"I'm Just Waiting for you to Sit Down and Shut Up so I can Sing you your Fucking Love Song"

Yesterday I took myself skating, walked there in the pouring rain and skated for one hour; not a minute less, not a minute more. When I walked out it was still raining and there was still no one else out; the only difference was that it was night time black out instead of sunset purple. I turned my music up as loud as it would go, put headphones in, and blasted the silence from my ears. I walked through the park, one side to the other, in the dark and in the rain, with music loud, beating back the silence. I stood in the middle of the field and soaked my hair and drenched my jeans and everything in my backpack and sang at the top of my lungs to everyone and to no one.

It’s strange to think that certain people have never really experienced me as I am, not that I wasn’t acting like myself or being myself, but because, due to circumstance, I was saying one thing and doing another.

Remember, my brain kept telling me; remember why you’re here. Cut the crap and get a grip and remember who you are, stop falling back into old patterns and being ridiculous. You’re not a victim and you’re not a child and you’re certainly not a martyr so stop acting like it right this very instant—or else.

I have no doubt my brain means it, so I’m listening because I’m scared of the consequences if I don’t.

“And things that should not have been forgotten were lost.”