Grace in Small Things: Day One

It's that time again!

1. Simple food.

Extra virgin olive oil, lots of chopped garlic, tomatoes, all organic. Quite a bit of black pepper. Simmer. Quorn "ham", red Leicester cheese. Pasta, little bit of pesto. Heat slowly. One glass of water. One mug of organic peppermint tea. It's a happy place.

2. A glass of fucking amazing French red wine.

Oh French wine, where have you been all my life? Alternate between wine and Mini Cream Eggs for maximum joytastic effect.

3. Yoga.

I've said it before: bare feet on a gymnasium floor heals the soul.

Have I ever loved anything more than I love yoga? I don't think so. I do yoga with Luci Phipps, and she is a genius. Ustras is a new favourite pose.

4. Connecting.

And reconnecting with so many friends recently. I am a lucky girl, it's true. <3

5. Ben Folds Five

Or really, Ben Folds on his own and also with the band. Especially Ben Folds covering Tiny Dancer; Jesus Christ it's amazing. Also, hello? Is this not the greatest thing ever?

Presence

There is a great value in holding a space. Being

i-n
t-h-i-s
m-o-m-e-n-t.

Presence.

This is one of my (many) challenges in this life. I vascilate between rising to it and running from it. I suppose it's like a dance--find the poetry and the art in everything, right? I wouldn't be me if I didn't.

Instant gratification society puts a bit of a kink in the spiral, as it were.

But anyway, I do find myself moving toward it far more than I move away from it now, so that's good. ("Good" is such a ridiculous word.) We crawl before we walk before we run, and everyone falls the first time, and insert platitudes here. But I do suppose that there is some kind of truth in the clichés or they wouldn't have become clichéd; people said them all the time because they made some kind of sense. We like things that make sense, after all. Boxes, neat little boxes, all lined up in a row, the illusion of some kind of external stability.

"To be nobody-but-yourself-in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else—means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting." (That's E E Cummings.)

But see, clichéd to the nth degree, to the point of absurdity in some ways. And romantic and poetic and not even remotely real. Almost some kind of post-modern existentialist philosophy. Yet, stripped of the words there is some kind of truth in there. Some kind of glimmer of something that on some kind of level makes sense.

I often get into these wars with myself. Wars of attrition, you see, last man standing kinds of wars. You see the paradox there, but I seem to remain on some level attached to these catch 22s. I'll venture a guess as to say it's fun. Mind games with myself because I'm the only one I'll consider a worthy opponent. Juvenile and arbitrary, really, but fun nonetheless.

Right, this post had a point, did it not?

Presence.

Well, read this:

"When you’re obsessed with what’s going to happen next, you’re stuck in reaction mode. The terms of your experience are being dictated. You’re trying to control the future by tensing up in the present, and this knocks you out of authenticity.

When you stay centered in the present, you trust that your natural response will be just what you need. You remain authentic, allowing your creative self-expression to emerge without forcing it." (That's Steve Pavlina.)

He says it better than I could anyway. Straightfoward and direct, whereas I tend to like to muddle things up...they look prettier that way.

And that says a lot, there. Doesn't it?

Read Please

Link.

Go Read This

For Everything There is a Season

As Within So Without

Make me an instrument of peace;

where there is hatred, let me sow love;

where there is injury, pardon;

where there is doubt, faith;

where there is despair, hope;

where there is darkness, light;

and where there is sadness, joy.

Grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;

to be understood, as to understand;

to be loved, as to love;

for it is in giving that we receive,

it is in pardoning that we are pardoned.

-The Prayer of St. Francis, slightly revised

Laissez les Bons Temps Rouler

Let the good times roll, is the motto of New Oleans; one of my favourite cities in the world...so far, and it's an excellent way to sum up my 2009. Little bit of a crazy one, that year was, and SO FUN!

In January I started working at my current job, but in a bit of a different capacity. Little did I know that choosing to take those two shifts a week with that little company would radically transform the shape of not only the rest of that year, but certainly this one as well, and likely the next couple after this.

In February I turned 23 and went to Dublin for the second time.

March was a big travel month, went to Cardiff, Rome, Venice, Nice, and Paris.

Brian and I split up in April, ending a six year long relationship and starting a new chapter in our lives. We remain best friends, of course, and I'm very grateful for that. April also saw me fly back to Ontario from England.

In May I caught up with lots of freinds, went to Ottawa and Montreal, and started two of the three jobs I'd have that summer.

In June I started my third job and worked. And worked. And saw friends, and slept, and worked.

In July I moved back to England.

In August I watched more tv than I've watched in the last three years combined and basically just chilled out.

In September I drank too much whiskey.

In October I drank even more of it.

In November I started paying off my debt and radically altered basically everything about the way I see the world, reality, and everything in it.

In December I continued this work and went home to Tibshelf with my friend for Christmas.

In 2009 I discovered Paulo Coelho and Eckhart Tolle. The Toniks, The Cinematics, and Hotel Lights. And Boho Girl. And Planet Earth and The Big Bang Theory.

I got my full driver's licence.
I started practising yoga.
I did more creative writing, took more photos, and listened to more music than I have in years.
I learned how to strike the precarious balance between solitude and a social life.

It was a good one, 2009 was.
This one will be even better.